One and The Other

Given humanity's preference for duality it's no wonder the list of dichotomies is as long as it is. I'd start listing them off but I'm sure you can figure out more than a few. Tonight in my inability to sleep the sleep of the just, (or the injust for that matter,) my mind draws to an old philosophical standby of mine, Love and Hate. I find it interesting that these two emotions are as defined by each other as they are, often in literary works they are juxtaposed to each other but I find it odd really that, to me at least, the most appropriate example of this dichotomous couple is found in Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus. Why do I use this work of horror as an example,? Because of the unnamed monster of the work, this creature that has such complex emotions regarding its creator that in reading the work I could not decide if it was motivated wholly of Hate, or if it was driven also by a love that could never be expressed without hate. Because of how this tale marked me I'd like to demonstrate a pertinent point about these two passionate emotions, that in many ways they're indistinguishable. Now when I refer to the emotions of Love and Hatred I am not thinking of the banal emotions that are simply the difference between "like" or "dislike" or the more grounded natures of fondness and contempt. I am referring to those groups of irrational, powerful, and ofttimes inexplicable emotions that are the exclusive purview of Love and Hate. Indeed I have often noted that both of these emotions are attractors, they pull oneself towards the subject of emotion rather than drive one away. While the point can be made that there are aggregate parts to these emotions, I've noted that Love and Hate are not made of these emotions they do however create them. There is an intrinsic nature between Love and fondness just as there is between Hate and contempt, however Love and Hate are their own emotions and create their own complex emotions that are dragged into their wake. Irrational, attracting, and active emotions that have their own insanities and have their own patterns, but yet in the throes of either we can see behaviour seen in both, merely the difference between positive and negative theme. Why Love and Hate? To a degree it's meditation on my conditions, on my emotions, on my depression. So curious then that I passionately Love and Hate myself at the root of these things, so much to be proud of, so much to be disgusted by, so much to admire, yet with so much contempt. I doubt this is strange to many, but it feels odd to talk about it, to put this down as words. I Hate myself as much as I Love myself, sometimes one definitely takes precedent over the other, and yet here I am. I suppose in that respect my reasoning to compare to Frankenstein's monster isn't that unusual. Such conflicting feelings applied to self and environment with those twin emotions as figureheads, this I understand well, the isolation, the Love-Kill-Hate-Fuck directed at the world that brings so much joy and pain. For every desire for non-existence to be a euthanasia for the suffering of awareness there is a delightful curiosity to discover just what miracle of living is coming next.